I have a few Word documents on my computer
marked “Don’t Read”. This command isn’t meant for my mom snooping or anyone
else. It’s a message for me.
You see, these documents tend to be
written at the lowest points in my life. It usually means I’m dealing with a problem
which seems so large that I feel like I can’t tell someone about it or even say
it out loud. It’s either embarrassing, feels monumental or ridiculous. But, I
have to put my worries somewhere out into the world. So instead of writing it by hand in a journal, because ink just feels too permanent, I write a word
document. Something that can easily be deleted with the push of a button.
However, I never delete these files.
Maybe it’s because, in the past, it has come with the satisfaction of opening
one of these a year or two later and being able to smile at how much something weighed on me that has since been resolved. Maybe it’s a reminder that things get better, even
when they feel so hopeless.
There have also been times that they
were still too relevant. Either I hadn’t resolved the problem, or it’s
something that is so much a part of me, it can’t be resolved. These I will go
back and look at every so often. To torture myself? No. To wallow in self-pity?
No. I don’t really know why. Maybe it is just interesting to see how I thought
about something a year ago. Or I like to read over it because I do my best
writing when I’m utterly devoid of happy thoughts. Maybe a mixture of both.
This is my first post that’s serious
and kind of a damper. So I’ll end it on a slightly more positive note. Writing
is how I feel better when something is getting me down. It’s a great stress
reliever for me. What is yours?
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| Maybe I'll write something like this next time I'm sad? One can only hope. |
