While this may be obvious to many, this conclusion was important for me this week as I face an incident with my closest friends. Without going into specifics, I am doing something that my friends do not approve of. There are many problems with this and how they are judging me. For one, what I am doing is something they have done time and time again, without any regret. They have never understood why before now, I haven't acted like this. But apart from all this, because of this argument, I've been pondering what role the advice of friends plays in my life.
I have always been one to give advice to friends. Even on things I didn't know much about, I thought I would be doing a disservice not to try and help them by sharing my thoughts. Because of this, I gladly welcome my friends' advice and thoughts. I want to know that they care about what is going on in my life, they have thoughts about it and made conclusions, and they share those with me.
However, I have never expected them to follow my advice to the letter. Perhaps I am hurt when I think I gave great advice and they completely disregard it, but I am often not surprised and I don't take it too personally.
My friends are not only upset with me that I am not following their advice, but they are angry at me. They are avoiding me. It makes me feel like our friendship was built on my being little miss perfect and now that they don't approve of what I am doing, they don't approve of me. I know everyone wants and often seeks approval, but I have a particular problem with needing approval, especially from family and my closest friends. I am torn between craving approval and want to make decisions for what I feel is best in my life.
But more than that, where is the line between listening to your friends and listening to your heart? There is always the cliché of "listen to your friends, they often know what's best for you!" which I agree with to a certain extent. Yes, it is always great to get a third party perspective. Yes, they often have great insights you may have overlooked. And sometime it feels like they know you better than you know yourself. However, when should I listen to my own instincts? What about what I want?
I ended up having to turn to my grandma for advice. Besides my closest friends, I haven't told the whole story to a lot of people out of fear of judgement. But with my grandma, I know she loves me unconditionally, and she is naturally inclined not to pass judgment, especially in regards to the type of situation I am currently in. Her conclusion was that I should do what feels best for me and my friends should support me. This whole thing may end with me needing a shoulder to cry on, and my friends should be there if/when that happens.
I am still hopeful that this will all blow over, but I am waiting anxiously until that happens.
