Confidence Boosters

            I’ve been feeling pretty insecure lately. I am not sure why: if it was caused by anything specific or if it just a phase. I think most people or at least most women fall into these slumps, or maybe not and it’s just me. But lately I’ve been feeling like I’m not good enough, I’m not portraying who I really am, and a general feeling of “I suck”.

            Tonight I subbed a dance class. At the end of the class as the students were leaving, a girl turned back to me and said, “By the way, you’re really pretty and have great taste in music.” Not only was this such a sweet compliment, but I was particularly touched because this girl is preteen/teenager age which in my experience is the worst age a girl can be. Girls at this age know how to hurt you and think it’s fun to do so. At least this is what I have observed based on my own experiences.

            But this compliment struck me. I don’t think of myself as very pretty. Especially in dance class. I was a good dancer growing up, but never looked like the other girls who were skinny, their hair always looked good, they dressed well (even in dance clothes) and they were so cute. I always felt like a potato, especially when my ponytail would start falling and I had to work what I used to call the George Washington look. This is when the top of your hair is slicked back, but the sides have fallen and are beginning to cover your ears, resembling the curls on white wigs worn by the founding fathers. I think that part of my current funk is due to insecurities about my appearance that are coming back full force (not that they were ever gone, but had quieted down recently).

            In regards to the comment about my musical taste, I have never claimed to listen to cool music. I listen to people I think are cool and songs I admit aren’t cool, but dammit I’ll enjoy them anyway. I never want to play music for my friends or in the car with other people. If I do, I usually preface it with, “I know nobody else will enjoy this, but I will. So suck it up.”

            Tonight was a nice reminder that I’m not a lame potato.

            But more than that, as a teacher I am a role model to so many young girls (some boys, but mostly girls). My number one goal is to make them all feel more confident. I want them to leave the classroom feeling stronger than when they entered. Maybe they don’t like their legs, but I’m going to make sure they are straight legs with pointed toes. Maybe they don’t like their stomachs, but they are going to body roll with the rest of us, and I will cheer her on just as loudly.

            I have always felt that I connected with my students more than I’ve seen other teachers. Sure they connect with the competition dancers because those girls are there 12 hours a week. But I make sure to connect with the girls who show up 1 hour a week and prefer basketball to dance. I let my students see my insecurities. I tell them when I’m not sure what to play for them because I usually make playlists for 3 year olds. I laugh at myself when I make weird noises and we all laugh at me together. I make mistakes and call myself out for it. Rather than being confident all of the time, I give them a glimpse of my imperfections and failures and then let them see me brush it off, laugh, and go again twice as confidently. When I first started teaching, I thought I had to be perfect. I came in with my makeup done as perfectly as I could do it. I dressed in my cutest dance/workout clothes. I covered up my mistakes. But I soon learned that these girls look up to me, and need to see that you can be imperfect, and still be a kick-ass dance teacher and person.

            So today was more than a self-confidence boost. It was a reminder to boost the girls who look up to me. That our relationship is so much different than your average student/teacher, sister, babysitter, whatever relationship. I’m not only a teacher, but a dance teacher. I have to give them confidence when they have none. I have to give them a reason to do a new step across the floor and make a fool of themselves the first three times. And then I have to make them feel beautiful, strong, elegant, powerful, and intelligent.

“No you’re not stupid because you can’t get this step. This is a hard step. Didn’t you see me trip two minutes ago?”

“Girl, you look so good doing this combo. You’re better than me at hip hop!”

“Maybe musical theatre isn’t your thing. But you’re doing so well! And this will help you with ballet I promise!”

“I want to see you hit a double because I know you can. Who cares if someone else can do it? I want to see you do it!”

“Guys, you couldn’t do that combo ten minutes ago, and now look at you! You’re blowing me away!”

Early Disney Feminism

After a crazy, a fast-paced intersession, and too much to study, my brain has felt brain dead. So perhaps that is why I feel this urge to analyze a topic I have always been passionate about that is more fun than work: Disney Princesses.

I have been a Disney princess fan since before I was born and I will defend them until I die. I recognize that all of these films have their flaws and that some are much worse than others. However, I would argue that each one of them has a positive message to offer their audience and are well-intentioned. Even if some were written with more inspiration originating from their wallets than their hearts, none of them are without merit. I am also a feminist. There are many who think who one cannot be a Disney princess fan and a feminist, but I have been both for 20 years. When I am told about parents who do not allow their daughters to watch Disney princess movies because they want their daughters to have strong, female role models, I just feel that these parents are missing out on a great source.

I recently watched Wonder Woman and found myself crying at the sheer female-empowerment. Yet, Wonder Woman did not look too much different from what I had seen before in Mulan or the messages of Pocahontas.

But Disney Princess films post 1992 would be too easy to defend and justify. Today, I will be defending one which many consider to be the least feminist.

Sleeping Beauty has been one of my absolute favorite films since before I could talk. There is a video of me dancing around the living room, holding a baby bottle, and singing “Once Upon a Dream”. Aurora was one of my favorite Disney princesses, but I admit that it was probably because I loved her dresses and her hair is the best ever featured on screen. When people hate on Sleeping Beauty, it rubs me the wrong way, and I never knew quite why. Surely, if I was a true feminist, I would see it as trash, right?

Tonight, I had an epiphany while singing “Once Upon a Dream” to my dog. Sleeping Beauty is one of the most feminist Disney films, but in one of the most subtle ways.

If I described the basic plot of the film, it would be just as anti-strong women as people say it is. An evil witch puts a sleeping curse on a young princess. The princess has less than 20 minutes of dialogue, but is the protagonist of the film. A handsome prince of whom we know little about stumbles across this princess in a forest and falls in love (with what we can assume is her beauty). He must slay a dragon to rescue her.

However, that is not the movie. Before we a witch, prince, or princess speaks, we are introduced to three fairies. These three fairies are female, short, chubby cheeks, and middle-aged. They have three distinct personalities with little in common except their magical abilities. They gift the princess with beauty and song. When the witch arrives and places a curse on the princess, they save the day by taking it upon themselves to raise the child and keep her safe.

Right away, out of the 8 main characters with lines, only three are men: 2 kings and a prince. Let’s begin by analyzing the men. None of these men have any magical abilities.  The main scene with the two kings is of them discussing the future of their children. They get drunk, fight with sword fish, fight over how soon the wedding should be, and generally don’t get anything done. The king who is father of the prince is portrayed as easily angered, prejudiced, and unable to take control of the situations he is placed in. The other king, father of Aurora, sends his daughter away and (pointlessly) burns every spinning wheel in the kingdom. Neither of these two men are strong leaders. The prince is a lovesick teenager. He is charming and brave, but is also easily kidnapped by Maleficent. Most of his accomplishments are due to the help of the fairies, which we will return to. Like Aurora, he has very few lines despite being considered the hero.

Now for the women.

Maleficent: this woman is a badass. There is no other way to put it. She doesn’t get invited to a party, so she curses the hosts’ child. She kidnaps a young prince and torments him with images of his future decrepit body. She laughs in the face of do-gooders and has a pet crow. Side note: her ensemble is fabulous and evil. Her male minions are idiots that she learns she can’t trust and she must do everything herself. She trusts her crow, but to assume the crow is male is sexist (I think?). Her message is very “I’m the strongest and most intelligent and I have to do everything”.

Aurora/Briar Rose/Sleeping Beauty: Let’s get real here. This is a sixteen year old shut in whose hobby is picking berries and singing to animals because she isn’t allowed to have friends. A man approaches her in the forest and she smirks and attempts to ignore him, but who can resist Prince Phillip? Rather than seeing this guy in secret, she tells her mothers (or aunt or guardians or whatever they are) and invites him over to meet them. When they say no, sure she throws herself on her bed, but what was she going to do? Go back into the forest, looking for a guy who didn’t say his name, to live with said guy she has only known for half an hour tops? She is a young girl in Medieval France. Of course she is going to throw herself on her bed and cry.

The fairies: These are strong independent women. They do not ask, they TELL THE KING, they are going to take care of his daughter. They go into Maleficent’s castle in order to save Aurora when they could have just cut their losses. They are really the ones who save Aurora. They free Prince Phillip, give him the sword which they enchant to not miss, these bitches do EVERYTHING! They have the most lines. They raise Aurora (and probably make her clothes, which is worth mentioning a second time, are the best). They confront Maleficent when they didn’t have to. Phillip was forced to face Maleficent because his options were fight or be free when he was so old and decrepit his life was practically over.

The source of the conflict is Aurora’s curse, but the main players in this conflict are the fairies and Maleficent. The kings are put under the sleeping spell by the fairies and do nothing. When people say Sleeping Beauty is anti-feminism, I want to ask if they are referring to the character or the film. If it’s the character, I would argue she is an accurate depiction of how limited a woman’s options were in Medieval France, but I understand she isn’t feminist. If it’s the film, that statement is wrong. The film is filled with strong, powerful women. The women spend the movie acting for the men.