Notice Me!!

When I was a competitive dancer, we had to go to dance conventions a s a studio. These conventions could be over the course of a week or weekend. There was one that we always went to that I hated. I couldn't ever put my finger on it, but I never enjoyed it. I tended to stand at the back, produce minimum effort, and count the minutes until the end of the day's classes. 

However, one year, I was determined to make the most of it. I tried as hard as I could, and I felt that I was truly out-performing most of the dancers there. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't get the attention of the teachers. Finally, I was fed up with being overlooked. I was tired of feeling like a potato by girls who had to do half the work because they were tall and skinny. I was tired of working my butt off for zero recognition. I couldn't take it. 

So when the teacher told us to improv to a song, I went straight to the front of the room. She still didn't look at me. I danced bigger, taking up as much room as possible. She wouldn't look at me!!

the class was held in a ballroom of a hotel. There was a stage built up on risers for the teacher to dance on so that everyone could see. 

I had a crazy idea. But I was desperate. 

I made my way closer to the stage. I stood right in front of her. I slammed my entire upper body onto the stage. the metal risers gave a resounding screech. I flew backwards landing on the floor. Did a backwards somersault to stand up. Looked her right in the eyes, and continued dancing. 

I won a scholarship to the next convention. 

Tonight I submitted my Fulbright application. I hardly ever get scholarships. I have come to accept that I don't have the highest academic record though it's pretty high. I am not the most involved, though I am pretty involved. 

But there is something different about applying for this grant. I have never felt so qualified for something. More than that, I would like to meet anyone as passionate about this specific opportunity as me. Maybe that's not fair, but it's definitely how it feels. 

I wish that the Fulbright committee was sitting on a stage that I could throw my body onto. That I would do anything that would set me apart, help them understand what lengths I would go to for this. 

But that's not how life works. You can't throw your body in front of someone to prove your passion. Only you can ever fully comprehend the extent of your passions. So all I do can do is sit on my couch, with my fingers crossed until January, hoping for the best. 

Waiting for Fulbright results is perhaps equally as terrible as waiting
for the Passenger concert to start on a freezing cold Chicago day.