Learning a Second Language, Continued

 This is a continuation of the this blog post.

       The first day of class in France was hell. We had to do listening exercises to improve our oral comprehension. However, my classes in America hadn’t prepared me for this at all. I sat in the language lab in France rewinding the audio over and over only to pick out a word or two tops. My teachers tried to help me, but it is hard to be helped when you still can’t understand anything.
I remember staring out the window, looking over the red-tiled roofs of Clermont-Ferrand and wanting to cry. I suddenly wanted to give up the entire endeavor to learn French. I wanted to go back to my family and only hear English for the rest of my life. In America, no one cares if you can only speak one language.

My first of day of school in France.
If only I had known what I was getting into.

I wish I could tell you that one day, everything clicked for me; that those first few days of school were the low point before I took off and improved everyday. However, that was only one low point on the roller coaster of learning a second language in a foreign country. But with every roller coaster, there are also the high points.
My hearing improved gradually over time. It was so gradual that I hardly noticed it had improved. It was toward the end of the semester that I noticed I could make out the majority of what the videos were saying. My writing and grammar didn’t improve much at all. My speaking definitely improved, but not by leaps and bounds compared to my listening skills.
Being in France, some days felt like the best day ever. A highlight for me was when I was at the large grocery store in the city center that I only visited every once in a while. I was in that horrible universal situation of struggling with the automated self-checkout. Whether it is in your own language or not, when those things mess up, you’re screwed. A man working there came over to help me. When I was leaving and I had to sign for my American debit card, he asked incredulously in French “You’re American?” When I told him I indeed was, he complimented my French saying he had no idea I wasn’t a native. I’ve never walked out of a grocery store happier than I did that day. I think all the French people I passed were offended at my beaming smile.
But then there were days that completely demotivated me. It wasn’t as if once I achieved a level or was complimented by someone who said I sounded like a native, that things got better or only slightly worse. One day I could sound like a regular Frenchie, the next day, my teacher couldn’t understand me say “merci”. I remember one time in particular when I had to go to the doctor. When the receptionist asked for my name and I had to spell it, she couldn’t understand me say “U” no matter how many times I tried! Keep in mind, this was after the grocery store moment of glory.
So, as one can expect, when I returned to the U.S., I wasn’t “fluent” in French. No doubt I had improved incredibly, but when people asked the question “So, are you like fluent now?” I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
This past semester, I had to take a course called “Second Language Acquisition”. I hated that class and definitely didn’t learn as much as I was supposed to (I admit at one point I wasn’t passing the class). But I did learn one thing in that class that is not only applicable to my life, it is what motivates me to continue studying languages:
Language learning isn’t like collecting certificates. You don’t master your native language, then master the second, then the third until you’re satisfied. You will never be a native speaker in your second language. You can come pretty damn close, but at the end of the day, it’s your second language. Also, your native language doesn’t remain pure. It is affected by you second language as much as it affects your second. That is why they developed the term “interlanguage”. Everyone has this one language that is completely unique to you. It is only a matter of what languages make up your interlanguage. Everyone’s is different as every language you learn affects each other and it is also a matter of how you speak and interact with language.
So no, I’m not fluent in french because fluency is a myth. If fluency is knowing every word in a language and understanding what people say to you the first time they say it, then none of us are fluent in any language.
Because of these realizations, my goal has changed drastically. I no longer aspire to speak like the president of France and be “fluent”.
I want to develop my skills so that one day I can speak like Jillian Buxton: English native, student of Latin and French. To understand and be understood, the ultimate goal of studying any language.