Remember that video from about 10 years
ago where a girl sits by herself in the movie theatre? Then a guy comes up from
behind demanding to know where her boyfriend is. When he discovers she doesn’t
have a boyfriend, he incessantly asks for her number. I have always loved this
video. I thought it was hilarious and I am always happy when someone shares it
on Facebook and I’m reminded of its existence.
Last night I went to a party at an
apartment. I spent the evening talking with my guy friends. While I was
standing there, one of their friends kept standing too close, touching me and
making me uncomfortable. Rather than confront him about this, I chose to remove
myself from the situation and go out on the balcony.
While out on the balcony, a guy asked me if I had
a boyfriend who would beat him up for hitting on me. I told him no and flirting
ensued. When this guy, Hunter, started kissing me, I decided that wasn’t what I
wanted. So I excused myself to go to the bathroom and rejoined my guy friends. Hunter
soon found me though. He hovered around my group. He came up from behind and
wrapped his arm around my hips to pull me closer. I moved to the other side of
the kitchen. He stared at me. I began talking quietly to only one of my guy
friends. He got the hint to leave.
Another guy joined our group and seemed nice
and he talked about how he knew one of my friends. When he asked the group
where the bathroom was, I offered to show him. We walked into the part of the
bathroom that had the sinks and I told him someone was in the toilet area so he’d
have to wait. I turned to leave and he asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said
no. He shut the door. He grabbed me and suddenly his mouth was on mine, shoving
his tongue down my throat. I tried to pull away. I reached behind him fumbling
with the door handle. He moved his back against the door so I couldn’t leave.
Fear flooded my body. I froze. Wondering if I should scream. Wondering if I
should try to hurt him. No one would hear me or see me to come help. Out of
nowhere, a spike of adrenaline rushed through my arms as I pushed him to the
side and opened the door.
“I’m sorry,” he said grabbing my arm. “I’m just
drunk.”
I walked out to the balcony to join my friends.
The fear and adrenaline was making my hands shake. I listened to their
conversation without hearing. I stared at the apartments occupied by sleeping
or drinking students.
Is this to be the rest of my life? Do I
always need to have a male friend to run to? Lie about having a boyfriend if I
don’t have one at the time? Am I only to be respected as an autonomous human
being based on the proximity and power of a male guardian?
He was just drunk. Another was just picking up
the wrong signals. This one is just having fun and hoping to get lucky. What’s
the harm?
The harm is I end up crying into my friend’s
shoulder. The harm is I’m afraid to be in a room with a guy without a male
or a couple of girlfriends. I will never be independent because I am left to
resort to violence, lying, or running away.
“Is there a boyfriend who would beat me up for
talking to you?” I don’t know. But I’d have more respect if you asked me for my
name first. You couldn’t be bothered to ask what my interests are or why I’m at
the party. That would be a waste of time for you. You're obviously here for one reason. You're only talking to me for one reason. Due to the lack of a male who controls my sexuality, I am a book,
ready to be picked off a shelf and flipped through at your leisure.
